Good communication
Good communication between parent and child is the foundation for a good relationship. It is also something every child has the right to through the Convention on the Rights of the Child. Good communication enables the parent to know what is going on in their child’s life. It makes it easier to guide your child through different situations and to understand what your child needs from you. You will be able to discover problems early and understand when your child needs your encouragement and support. As a parent, you can practice getting better at communicating with your child. Two keys for good communication are asking questions and listening to your child.
The dos and don’ts when asking your child questions
Many children and teenagers don’t tell their parents much spontaneously. By asking your child questions, you can learn about their everyday life and gain important information. What kind of information you will get is largely dependent on how you ask your questions. Here are examples of some dos and don’ts of asking questions. Think about how you usually ask questions to your child.
Don’ts: Questions that stop communication
There are questions that tend to stop communication rather than encourage it. Some common mistakes include:
- Accusing or blaming
- Choosing a bad time to ask
- Using a negative tone of voice
Example:
"And what did you think would happen when you behaved so badly?"
“I have to go to work now, but why do you always make enemies with Amira?”
“How could you be so easily tricked?”
Dos: Questions that encourage communication
When asking questions, it is good to:
- Show interest or consideration
- Use a kind tone of voice
- Ask questions when you have time to listen to the answers
- Focus on solutions rather than problems
Example:
“What do you think is the best thing to do now?"
“I thought about you today, how did the test go?”
Dos and don’ts when listening to your child
Many parents are good at giving advice to guide to their child, but it’s easy to forget to listen. Listening to your child is important for a number of reasons:
- When parents listen to their children, they convey to their children that they are important, which in turn improves the relationship.
- You get to learn about what is happening in your child's life and what is important to them.
- You notice when your child is making an effort and can encourage the positive behavior.
- By listening to your child you’ll get information that helps you to discover problems early.
Children often feel more comfortable talking and asking questions to their parents when they know they will be listened to and not blamed. This is especially true if they tell or admit something they did wrong. If parents listen the right way, chances are that their child will more likely open up the next time run into difficulties.
Here are examples of some dos and don’ts when asking questions. Think about how you usually listen to your child.
Don't
“Why do you always get yourself in stupid situations like this?”
Result: The child shuts down and stops listening. Communication stops.
Do
“That sounds like a difficult situation. How did you feel? How did you solve it?”
Result: The child feels heard and respected. The communication continues.
Avoid emotional reactions
You may have strong emotional reactions when talking with your child. As a parent, it is important not to let your own emotions take over, be it anger, anxiety, frustration or disappointment. If you can manage your own emotions, there is less chance of ending up in a conflict with your child.
Film examples
These film examples show both dos and don’ts of communicating with your child.
Summary
- Having good communication with your child improves your relationship
- As a parent it is important to listen to your child
- Show interest in the things your child tells you
- Let your child finish talking
- Avoid reacting emotionally if the child says something negative
- By asking questions you will get information about what is going on in your child's life
- This information will let you know when you need to encourage them and when to help them solve problems